Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Elkaba Idmançi's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
8:42 pm	we went to bring pizza for the boys in fleece & capris on this warm night she says i want to cry and throw up and for once I know just what she means it kills me cause I want to fix it i want to fix my own past which still kills me I don't know how. This is all i can give I tell her I just don't know it must be enough cause she's smiling we drink lots of wine, i don't know what kind the wind picks up and it's colder now but we're laughing to warm a whole world (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
3:29 pm	Coretta Scott King You were so far ahead of your time I thought you were even greater than MLK, who I admired so much A portrait of you still hangs on the wall in my parents' library Thank you for doing what you did and being who you were The world, my world, is a better place because of you You lived your beliefs everyday You inspired us all to keep reaching for those stars You will always be a hero to me Farewell (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
9:50 pm	this one person i know blames her kids hyper behavior on the full moon. now she is an educated, literate person intelligent enough to have gotten hired at a quite exclusive private school. But she still falls for this. She swears up and down that when there's a full moon, her kids are unusually energetic and have trouble sleeping, etc. so the other day i'm listening to this other person i know, she's going on and on about how hyper everyone's kids are today and it's obviously because there's no moon. so now i really want to pit these ladies against each other and see what happens. (Comment on this)
9:47 pm	guo nian! (Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
8:52 pm	when he stands up and is tall, when i hug him and he fits into the arc of my hug like a slice of melon back into the melon. when i stand back to see how tall and brown and wild he is, i hurt. i don't understand why. someday i will be old (if i'm lucky) and there i'll be, alone in the world and living on the edge or on the street, wishing i hadn't wasted my entire life chasing around trying to commit impossible affairs. what will he matter then? and it will be too late. what a drink of elixir it is just to talk and look at him. he hovers, dark and tired, GREEN oh green eyes, i taste mint and meat, i want this. don't I? i want it, yes. he said something while we were painting, about how i never sleep, i felt so guilty, stupid, and false. of course i sleep, i sleep more than is good for me, and sit or lie with my eyes shut whenever i can, doing nothing, going back in time. how can he believe good of me? but i won't help him understand the truth, thereby admiring me less. but i am living a lie. i am living many lies. drink Scotch. broke. blotchy, spotty, stubbly, and pudgy. i just don't have any Care left after Caring about him. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
12:12 pm	my heart is a spaceship I'm on stage Some audience is there seeing me making me big in their minds I like it I don't like it I am what I am To hell with your corrupt fantasy I see my audience leaving stumbling gasping for breath as if breathing alien air And I suddenly know that someday I will be old (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 25th, 2005
10:02 pm	life is good. hope you are okay my little one (Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
12:33 pm	Welcome to Everyone itis good to see you ..It is quit warm today.It suppose to what as warme even on Christmas Day! I'm excited. to practace write in here, \thank Esemer, you are the best friend ever!!!! farza, Kamela, and Noa == my love p.s. to friends out Valencia! I Made it! teshekkur ediram and sagol!@ Zibi's contribution. Zeebs you rock! monsani seviram my darling :-* off to the gym with shirin and kam..,.. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 9th, 2005
11:06 am	watching LoTR with friends and all i could think was how lucky we are. here we are in tis nice house, in a wealty town, watching this luxkury film and eating chinese food together... the warmth and specialness of a groups of good friends together on a very wild, rainy windy night!! I oten feel as if i am overlfowing with the blessings of life, and i know i didnt' Do anything to deserve to be so lucky. Its just the way things are. And in the same way, there are so many who have had bad luck, that is not there fault, its jsut the way things are. Whenever i have been in bad luck, in tourble, someone has always reach out to me and help me back on my feet. I want to be like this for others. I would like to be a guardian angel. Becaue sometimes I am so happy and I fel like I will go crazy with emotion. So if I were a guardian angel, I would have good hard work to do and burn off some of all this energy. and there Are so many who need are help. there is so much work to do, because this world is not fair. --elkternative (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
4:20 am	the wheat had to wait while i went to war happy belated Corrective Move Day. It's a Yemen thing. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 29th, 2005
9:15 pm	i saw an angel she stood on her hands my heart went out through my eyes and weaved love all around her (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 30th, 2004
1:44 pm	rakey, rakey! leaf-destiny is my name leaves fly before me like a fire eating up the yard I sweep all in my path I am the how-how-howling wind!!! so much fun and feels so good, to be good at something and have the right tools at hand (tarp the right size, leaf-blower, big strong chassis, right kind of rake). and have a perfectly forged day to do it in – just the right amount of cold to keep me very, very comfortable and full of energy. my love affair with leaves creates its own energy. the rhythm is built into my arms and back. I make it look so easy because it IS easy, it does itself and all I do is dance along after it. Seriously: set a body-dictated pace and maintain it, keep the tarp close enough to rake onto, don’t try to get every leaf, work with the wind direction, establish zones and lines, and turn off all motors when the sun sets--because the evening peace is holy. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 18th, 2004
7:51 pm	Two legs good, internet better... shoutouts to my 5th wave feminist grrrlies :) (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 11th, 2004
12:30 pm	we're at Walden (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
11:39 pm	saw my former beloved in EFP with her little kid. can't believe those days are so long gone. she's back there somewhere in my life... along with Skate3 and the Roudenbush gargoyle (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 28th, 2004
11:48 pm	reading Stephen King on writing. The man is a genius. What I like best is how he gets better and better over the years and books: a person should improve with practice, and he does. (Comment on this)
8:02 pm	i'm grateful i can get these housesitting jobs but... sometimes it feels like too much. eight weeks out of the summer. feeling disoriented and unsettled. The most recent Ms. balked at paying the going rate, though her expensive house is filled with expensive pieces of furniture, each of which costs more than I make a month. perhaps all the world travelling has depleted her budget. I find I am unable to muster any sympathy. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 20th, 2004
10:40 pm	survivor 01886 don't do this to me. I'm the one who lives on a desert island why don't you watch me instead? you don't even have to give me a million bucks, and you can vote on my status every day! *thumbs up* let Elkie live! *thumbs down* throw Elkie to the lions! (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 1st, 2004
5:46 am	dying of heat on Old Tadmuck getting signatures for the petition. thinking of women dying from botched abortions kind of puts the heat in perspective. This town is way too conservative... eek. a fat cop hassled us when we were meeting the van, he pretended he thought we were doing a drug deal or something. let's face it, he knew we were feminists and to him that was way more dangerous. WELL YEAH... IT IS :) (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 6th, 2004
11:07 pm	rain is right i shelter me in its centering chorus ( four thousand crystal pears singing coreward drive me with them sheep-happy and scatter-calm down to the focus with us!) wet behind the eyes i start now but soon i'll be seasoned and falling like a pro (Comment on this)